At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're so committed to being not committed
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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