wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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