my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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