oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize