Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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