I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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