She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
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