This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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