she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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