Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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