Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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