I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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