you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
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i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
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50% drunk capacity currently
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize