I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
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