She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
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Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
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He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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