oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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