i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize