First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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