I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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