dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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