i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize