Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
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Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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