I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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