Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize