There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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