I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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