My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize