Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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