ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize