so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm both gender and math confused
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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