Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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