Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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