dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
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I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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