i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize