he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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