I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
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I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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