I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize