i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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