Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Bring me that man meat
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize