sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
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Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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