Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize