Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
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I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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