Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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