he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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