i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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