You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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