everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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