I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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