alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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