it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
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Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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